And the point is, to live everything. Live the questions now. Perhaps you will then gradually, without noticing it, evolve some distant day into the answer.
Rainer Maria Rilke (1875-1926), German Poet
To really understand something, you should experience at least a bit of it, otherwise you're just barking into the wind.
Francine in the book Black Diamonds by Kim Kelly
My life path
From my first memory at the age of about one, I Knew by my whole Being Who I was and what I was capable of or not, so I acted with appropriate assertiveness as a Self-referenced person.
While I identified with that Authentic Self all my life, due to my conditioning and education I lost track of my Self to play some personally, socially and professionally established roles.
That led to my midlife crisis at the age of 38, in 1985. Since then I have been on my self-healing path, have reclaimed my Authentic Self.
My self-healing outcomes attracted people who wanted to achieve the same. They became my self-appointed patients before I even intended to become a healer and therapist. I am most grateful to them for having lead me to my current healing work.
Originally from Belgrade, Yugoslavia, I lived, studied and/or worked in Ethiopia, UK, Ireland, Italy, France, Netherlands, Iraq and Algeria. Since 1985 I live and work in Sydney, Australia.
Overseas, from 1971 to 1985, I had a career as an architect, town and regional planner.
Since 1986, as a natural healer, conflict resolution consultant and action researcher on the use of subtle energy fields in healing I had a private holistic healing practice based in Sydney.
In 1997 I qualified as a natural therapist in several modalities (for details see pages services and CV) and am a member of the Australian Traditional Medicine Society (ATMS www.atms.com.au, membership # 9816).
Besides assisting the holistic healing of individual patients, couples and groups, I lectured on my approach to mind, body, spirit and relationships healing, self-healing and attitudinal healing, so that people could use life as its own best remedy.
Using my natural psychic abilities, enhanced by my action research of the energy blueprint that in-forms one's body, psyche, relationships and life circumstances, I offer healing face to face and at distance (including New Zealand, Europe, UK and USA).
Since 1986, when I unexpectedly re-connected with my inherent sensory awareness of the subtle energy blueprint and its inter-personal dynamics (that I used to relay on as a self-referenced child), I have been action researching, by self healing and by facilitating other people's holistic healing -
- The subtle energy field as a human blueprint and source of complete information needed for preventing and healing any problem,
- Spontaneous healing,
- Mind-body-spirit healing,
- Attitudinal and socio-ecological healing,
- Psychic and spiritual healing,
- Past lives healing,
- Telepathy and distant healing,
- Healing ripple effect on significant others and on the environment.
I use my natural, accurate psychic knowing as the core of my approach to holistic healing. My objective is to assist people to re-claim their Authentic or Pristine Self, endowed with the wholesome self-healing divine Intelligence. In the healing process I educate people to recognize it as their inner and outer healing guidance.
I Knew since my early childhood that living up to one's True Identity, or one's Pristine Self, is naturally Healing, and that it is the way to fulfill one's Purpose in life.
I'll relate here some of my early childhood experiences and thinking, as an illustration of what I found to be true in other people too who told me that they were fully aware of, some from the very birth on, others very early, as I did, and who lived up to their Pristine, Naturally Knowing Self: Children Naturally Know and can deduct in and of themselves things about people and the world without having to be taught by adults.
Hopefully the following section might contribute to more children being respected from day one as their Authentic or Pristine, Naturally Knowing Self, without being considered a tabula rasa only good to be imprinted on.
My Pristine Self and Natural Knowing
Since I was a toddler I identified my True, Authentic or Pristine Self with my innate, clear and certain sense of my own and outer Truth. That Knowing was beyond anything that I might have had a chance to learn in time and space, by trial and error, or from being told by other people.
I Knew the Truth by my Whole Self - whose purpose I experienced as Knowing my Self and everything relevant to my Being. I Knew by experiencing simultaneously in all aspects of my Being a harmonious, warm, pleasant, nurturing, peaceful, loving, logical, respectful and co-operative state. That would give me a sense of an inner and outer, or relational, systemic and safe Natural Order. I would happily say 'yes' to it and act accordingly.
Such inherent Knowing, or state of certainty, did not need any confirmation by anyone else, because it was an unmistakable inner compass in all situations, orienting me to choose confidently what to do even in relation to completely novel things.
My mother noticed the consistent accuracy of my Knowing and used to say, "You must be born knowing it all!" I thought, "Of course - everyone is! Only you and most other people have forgotten it!"
Based on my lifelong experience and observations, I am still convinced of that.
Intuition, Being Psychic and Conditioning
What I consider Natural Knowing is usually referred to as intuition, hunches, and is credited to the so called sixth sense or being psychic, which is supposed to be a rather rare gift.
I don't think so. I Know, from early on in my childhood, and from my patients recovering their psychic abilities as a bonus of their holistic, natural healing, that we are all equally endowed with that gift. We differ only in how we use it or suppress it, which is due to our conditioning.
By comparing my own experience and that of my first girlfriend, who was my next door neighbor, I came to the conclusion that it is up to violated children to either stand for their Pristine Self or to give in to disrespectful pressure against it, which would result in either keeping or loosing their Natural Knowing and thus either living up to or away from their Authentic Self.
Later on, as part of my conditioning, I was also given an explicit advice about how to abandon my self-referencing.
Official education gave it an almost mortal blow too.
Violence and Knowing
Up till the age of about three I was happily and adamantly living up to that inner compass of mine, in my own Identity.
Then I was slapped heavily by my mother, supposedly because I have accidentally spilled a bit of milk on the kitchen floor. But I did not do it on purpose and even I could easily wipe it off, so I did not feel guilty nor deserving of such a punishment.
Instead I knew instantly the real reason for which she slapped me: out of her bottled up huge hurt, deep sorrow and violent anger, about which she could not and would not speak to anyone. I felt those literally flow from her hand into my cheek and awareness. But my strong sense of Natural Self made me distinguish clearly between my own emotions and thoughts, from which I could observe hers.
Knew instantly that her hurt had nothing to do with me. I did not need any confirmation for it, but as usual got it none the less: When I was 20, her sister told me that my mother was badly betrayed at that time; after my mother's death, I found her contemporary note about her pain, anger and sadness, and inability to speak about it to anyone - exactly as I Knew it back then.
By acting violently out her own suppressed emotions and forcing them right into my body, she had obliterated completely my memory of my own sensory hurt. Besides being able to deduct that it would have hurt me, I know it from how I instantly and most significantly for my whole life processed this experience.
Instead of being sorry for my Self and telling her off, or speaking up the whole truth that I realized about her (which I am sure would have been healing to her), I decided to help her heal and become happy again.
I loved her, felt very sorry for her, and since I was going to be dependent on her for years to come, in order to be happy and safe with her, without being punished for her problems, I decided to make sure that she would heal emotionally. I thought that I could do it by remaining my shiny, True Self, since that way I was naturally appropriate, good girl.
That decision notwithstanding, when my mother tried to force on me her own ideas about what was good for me or not, I was sticking to my inner, visceral Knowing about it.
About a year later, my mother's rationale about some greasy chicken soup being excellent for my health could not break my resolve not to eat what made me feel nauseous even by thinking about it. She then asked my father to intervene. He frowned heavily and said, "Tiyana, if you don't eat this soup, we'll put you into neighbor's chocks cage!"
I had hard time believing that my normally intelligent and loving father could come up with such a stupid idea. Without feeling scared, I thought at the lightening speed, "And you think that by putting me into that tiny, over-crowded, stinking cage, in which I couldn't even stand up, you could make me into a chook?! And since when chooks eat chicken soup anyhow? You know full well that none of that nonsense would change me - so what is in it for you?" He was huge compared to me, so there was no way I could resist him if he really meant it. So I said calmly, "OK, but I wouldn't lay you any eggs."
He and everyone else laughed their heads off. I didn't. It was the most serious matter to me - about my birthright to my own Identity.
I didn't eat that soup and my father appeared to have become unconditionally supportive of my True Self.
From then on, I thought the issue of one's True Identity is to be or not to be a chook.
Violence and forgetting the Knowing
My girlfriend's parents' regular shouting followed by her screaming indicated to me that she must have had much tougher time with her parents.
I plaid with her every day, and because with me she was always calm and co-operative, I thought her parents must have had some unreasonable expectations and no respect for her, so she would have had to become a chook in spite of all her pain, which would have made her into a follower. I thought it was rather sad loss for her and for me - it would have been much more interesting had she been able to maintain her natural initiative in our play.
Inability to live up to one's understanding
As I met more people and observed them and their orientation system, and as my mother became more unhappy, I realized that I had to find more effective ways to help people reclaim their Authentic Self, Natural Knowing, Health and Happiness.
I did not know how to achieve that, other than by speaking the Truth as I perceived it, since everything in my Being was telling me that Whole Relevant Truth can heal everything.
Fear of truth and Healing Truth
People who under pressure had to become chooks had difficulty handling the full Truth. Then such Truth, no matter how solidly it is supposed to be proven, has no effect on their Healing.
That is why I became interested in finding out the Healing Truth, and only accept as relevant Truth the one that is Healing. That became the basis of my Healing Epistemology.
Observing my mother again gave me a deep motivation in that respect.
In my teenage she started asking me for advice, yet as I would offer it, she would invariably say, "You are right - but I cannot do it!" Her intelligent and educated, logical mind was with it, but her feelings were stuck in some opposite, dis-empowering mode, which was ultimately governing her behavior and unhappiness.
That made me sad and frustrated, but led me to consistently search to identify one's sabotaging feelings, or subconscious virus software, in order to heal it so as to harmonize one's mind, emotions, body and relationships.
While in my youth I did not know how to help my mother reclaim her power to follow her correct understanding, I always Knew that some day I was going to find out more about how to help people achieve that. I thought then the world would be a better place, in which kids could stand freely in their Dignity, as their Naturally Knowing, Authentic Self, without ever having to be forced to become chooks or co-dependent followers.
Only after my midlife crisis did I stumble on my sensory ability to detect subtle energy blueprint, and to develop my innate psychic ability to understand the information that it represents in full detail.
But I experienced midlife crisis due to my own subtle dis-empowering conditioning and education, and in spite of my vigilance to keep my Authentic Identity intact.
Conditioning the inner split
When I was about four, I found out that there might be another way of loosing one's congruence and related inner Knowing.
My mother took me to an Aunty, famous for her delightful cakes, and told me, "You will be offered the second serving but should refuse it, even though I know you would love more of the aunty's cakes." I wanted to know why I was told to act so in-congruently. "So that they wouldn't think you are gluttonous!"
I thought, "Oh, is that why you are unhappy - because you are double faced?!" In the name of my happiness I made a point of eating as many cakes (or anything else) as I felt like. (My congruence would have kept my bio-feedback in healthy state, so that I would stop eating when appropriate for me. That would have spared me from having issue with body weight.)
Since that time I paid more attention to people's assumptions about each other that might have contributed to the split between their facade and deeper, hidden feelings, and I focused on finding out ways to heal from socio-ecological point of view too.
At school I experienced as an inner disaster and horror that I had to accept the Western scientific reductionist paradigm and epistemology, which claimed that subjective experience was unreliable.
Trusting fully the proven accuracy of my subjective Natural Knowing, I never accepted that the supposedly 'objective' scientific epistemology would be the only reliable one, and did my best to preserve my natural inner orientation system.
Unfortunately, by being a very good student, I lost touch with my Pristine Self and most of its Knowing in order to integrate the education system's reductionist and (in former socialist Yugoslavia) anti-spiritual paradigm.
More I studied and achieved academically, more I kept loosing my original rock solid Self esteem and more I became co-dependent and miserable for being disoriented in myself and in life.
Brought up as an atheist, due to my education and conditioning I became a hard skeptic and had accepted, amongst other, the belief that only matter mattered and that all reference to subtle reality had to be due to a brainwash, superstition, imagination or escapism.
By 1986, after having been apparently very successful, I had almost completely lost touch with my naturally and holistically knowing Pristine Self. Struck by a heavy midlife crisis, I realized that my survival depended on reclaiming my original Identity or Pristine Self, irrespective of any cultural model of 'success'.
Then life, or the most benevolent Nature's Intelligence as I felt it, led me to sense the subtle energy patterns accurately and in such a way that it induced natural healing in others and opened me up to experientially based deep spirituality.
I realized that I had re-connected consciously with my naturally knowing Pristine Self, and experienced an instant paradigm shift by grasping the crucial significance of the universal, mutually causal energy-matter relationship in healing as in dis-easing (see my article Awakening about it).
That enabled me to live and work ever since according to my truth in a holistic healing way, fulfilling my purpose.
My focus on holistic healing steams from my observation at the age of tree that most adults suffered silently from having a social facade different from their inner truth, and that they suppressed and/or violated children because of that, perpetuating the chain of unhappiness and dis-ease.
Later on, it appeared to me that all the wisdom of the past and the modern progress did not make people healthier nor happier. So I searched for the missing piece of the human jigsaw puzzle, starting with my own.
Some serious conditions that back then available medical treatment could not help me with - a mysterious severe skin disease, infertility, Raynaud's syndrome, incapacitating arthritis and carpal tunnel syndrome, blocked hip, frozen shoulder, chronic fatigue syndrome, depression and suicidality, agoraphobia, almost complete memory loss, near fatal asthma attack, skin cancer - led me to find ways of self-healing all of the above successfully. I relied on an ongoing in depth self-observation, high sensitivity and intuitive holistic knowing.
That extensive self-healing experience formed the basis of my approach to facilitating other people's healing.
The word 'healing' means 'making whole', by relating truthfully to the whole of reality - our own, each other's and Nature's. My approach to healing is based on honoring and working equally with both complementary aspects of reality - its living energy (the Spirit, Divine or Nature's Intelligence) and the world of mater that is in-formed by the subtle energy blueprint.
As I read my patient's energy, the spontaneously healing truth becomes apparent from dovetailing that information with what people are conscious of about their issues.
As we co-create the tapestry of their wholesome (conscious-subconscious-superconscious) truth, their Pristine Self heals, which enables them to deal appropriately, in a healing way, with their issues.
My healing practice and its consistent positive outcomes confirm all that I knew naturally as a child.
The difference is that now I also know how I know - by reading the energy blueprint in-formation - and how to assist other people to re-claim their own natural knowing.
Please see my CV for further details.
Other pages in this folder are about the main lay organizations that I am or have been a member of because they are making a difference towards the healing, peaceful, ethical and sustainable paradigm shift. (See also folder links.)