CONSCIOUSNESS AND SEARCH FOR
THE AUTHENTIC SELF
The most beautiful thing we can experience is the mysterious.
It is the source of all true art and science.
Albert Einstein (1879-1955)
At the end of 1986 a puzzling experience affected me and my life very deeply.
Once in a while it really hits people that they don’t have to experience the world in the way they have been told to.
Alan Keightley, Author
A year earlier I had migrated with my husband and two children, 8 and 10, to Sydney, Australia, to start a new life and continue a successful career as a town and regional planner. Few months later my marriage broke up, while prospective employers kept telling me that I was overqualified unemployable without local experience. I became a sole parent without any personal support on this side of the globe.
Disillusioned and broken, in severe midlife crisis, feeling marginalized for the very first time in my life, I could not trust anything any more that I had previously accepted as a cultural model for either personal or professional ‘success.’
To start my life from a scratch on the only aspect of myself that I could still trust, I needed to find the way to re-connect with my self-referenced Authentic Self.
As a child I relied on and stood firmly for my wholesome inner orientation system, which allowed me to know naturally the truth about myself, things, people and situations. My mother acknowledged the accuracy of my knowing by saying, “You must have been born knowing it all!” I thought since I was three years old, “Everyone is born like that! You and other people have forgotten it by accepting to live up to other people’s expectations." ( I still believe that.)
Without needing to learn by trial and error what was appropriate for me or not, I knew it in my whole Being by congruent emotions, intuition, sensations and thoughts.
My parents’ love and my father’s unconditional support had saved my Authentic Self and her knowing from an early suppression.
My education, however, affected my natural Knowing detrimentally in spite of my vigilance to preserve it. As an adult I still had some flashes of that systemic, instant and appropriate knowing, but could not access it on an ongoing basis.
During my midlife crisis the only light at the end of the tunnel was my Authentic Self with her inherent, accurate Knowing, yet I did not know how to reclaim it.
Looking for Help
I went to one, then another community counselor, who both told me that I was intelligent enough and did not need to see them again. On a sole parent’s pension I could not pay a private counselor, so I had to find a no cost or very cheep yet effective natural healing miracle to help myself - even though as a very skeptical atheist I did not even believe in miracles.
A new friend of mine had suggested that moving a crystal around my body could help me heal from my overwhelming problems. Having come from a family with ten medical doctors in three generation, I had a firm belief that healing could only come from taking a physical substance into one's body. I felt very disappointed that my intelligent and highly educated friend could even consider such a nonsense - that waving some stone around one’s body could induce any change in it and even heal one’s psychological trauma.
Feeling angry at whatever brainwash led him to believe in it, to win my argument against it and to save him from superstition, I decided to debunk what was responsible for what I perceived as his delusion. The opportunity presented itself at Bredbo Confest, NSW, where a small fee covered all events, so I could attend a crystal healing workshop without additional expenses. I was decided to find out and and expose the truth about the heavy mental manipulation that I expected to find there.
Crystal Healing Workshop
When we thought that we had all the answers, suddenly all the questions changed.
Mario Benedetti (1920), Uruguayan writer
To my surprise, without telling us anything at all about crystal healing, the facilitator gave us each a crystal, to observe our own sensations as we would place it on various parts of our own body. Then we would share our experience with the whole group.
The amethyst cluster that I was given felt cold in my left, yet warm in my right hand, even though in high summer heat both my hands internally felt equally worm. The relatively big crystal surely, in that same heat, could not change in an instant, while passing between my hands, several degrees of its own temperature. When I put the crystal against the center of my forehead, a beautiful symphonic music that I had never heard before played deep within my head, without my ears being involved. If I removed the crystal from my forehead for a while, then brought it back, I would hear in my head another section of that same piece of music, as though the concert went on in the crystal irrespective of whether I ‘listened’ to it or not by holding it on my forehead. This was puzzling because I believed that hearing had nothing to do with one’s forehead. But I could not hear that music if I placed the crystal on any other part of my body.
Other participants shared equally unique and puzzling experiences. I explained them away by our individual sensitivity and something irrational in our subconscious, not by crystals on their own, since they were inanimate.
The facilitator did not comment, nor asked us to try to explain anything, but just thanked each of us for sharing. It was the opposite of brainwashing – a purely experiential education. Up to that time I had never heard of such a thing, let alone experienced it, yet I appreciated it straight away, preferring to find things out in my own way, rather than be taught or told what to think.
The facilitator’s genuine interest in and acceptance of each participant’s experience, no matter how strange it appeared even to our own selves, was soothing and healing to me. Compared to this type of learning, all my previous formal education, which had required uniform understanding among the students, with ‘right’ and ‘wrong’ answers, appeared to have been much more of a stressful brainwash. My animosity towards this workshop gradually vanished, but my skepticism and disbelief in crystal healing remained.
It takes two to speak the truth - one to speak and another to hear.
Henry David Thoreau (1817-62), US Philosopher
Next we were to work in pairs. One partner was to silently move a crystal for a few minutes at a small distance from the body of the other, who was to keep her/his eyes closed. We were to pay attention each one to our own sensations, then share our respective experiences, swap roles using the same crystal, and share again.
An overweight woman sitting next to me, whom I did not know and who looked quite tense and uneasy, became my partner. She lay down on her belly while I started moving slowly the clear needle-shaped, one-point quartz crystal parallel to the axis of her body, from above her head to her toes.
My whole hand and wrist sensed some very subtle force, like a thick air, as though opposing my hand’s movement above her occiput, and between her shoulder blades and feet. Convinced that there was no such thing as mini zones of thick air,I felt annoyed at whatever might have given me that illusion and dismissed it as an imagination. To prove to myself that the air was everywhere the same, I repeated the movement, adamant that this time I wouldn’t be prone to any illusion, since I was not mentally ill.
To my growing annoyance, I still sensed the thick air over the same areas, only a bit weaker. I thought that it must have been my misperception, due to my memory of the previous run, or a subconscious expectation to find it again. But since it was weaker, I thought that I could erase my delusion altogether by repeating the same movement a few times, and confirm that way to myself that I my mind was normal and healthy.
It took me six runs to eradicate the last remnants of my sensory illusion of the thick air. I was glad to have been able to prove to myself that the weird imaginary ‘force’ had never really existed. This attitude was consistent with my science based education and belief that phenomena which cannot be consistently repeated cannot be real. My delusional perception did not have much of a chance since I stood for truth above all and knew how to look for it.
Embarrassed about having wasted my time by fighting my twisted perception of unreality, I did not feel like sharing what I had just experienced. By contrast, my partner appeared much more relaxed than when we started and was eager to share first.
Smiling broadly she thanked me sincerely for having made disappear -
• Her strong acute occipital headache, with which she had woken up that morning, without knowing why;
• A bad chronic pain between her shoulder blades, which her doctors could not explain nor relieve since it had started two years ago; and
• Strong aching in both her feet, from having worn tight new sandals the day before.
You may drive out nature with a pitchfork, yet she'll be constantly running back.
Horace (65-8 BC), Roman poet
My partner's statement struck me as a lightening bolt out of the blue sky, inducing an instant paradigm shift, since it indicated that I had, in fact, accurately sensed the subtle energy patterns around her body. They would have been thick and stagnant above her achy body parts, then I would have thinned them out, which would have made her pains disappear.
Now I gladly told my partner how I held the crystal, what I did and what I experienced internally, since I realized that we could learn about the full truth only by sharing equally and honestly with each other our unique experience, which we could not understand each one on our own. The truth was becoming apparent by our complementary findings rather than in their being identical.
Up till then I thought that it was worth listening only to someone who would have been more knowledgeable than me, and that whoever was ignorant was not worth listening to. This sharing melted away such intellectual arrogance, and left me feeling humble and grateful for realizing that by openly sharing our respective lack of understanding and our simple sensory self-observation we could reach a clear and most valuable new comprehension of a very significant, and to me profoundly life changing phenomenon.
Pleasant warm flow permeated my whole body, making me feel much lighter. I experienced huge joy about my mind and body being perfectly realigned, just as I needed them to be ever since I was a child. Fully alive again as my precious, whole, Authentic Self, I felt most grateful for having had my inherent, perfectly accurate sensory Knowing fully validated, and for having become aware of how to access it easily whenever I wanted.
In few moments before my partner and I swapped roles, my body-mind processed this experience and its huge implications at the speed of light. My major insight was that the whole of reality, unlike what I was made to believe up till then, consisted of closely and most significantly inter-related subtle energy patterns and matter.
I did not need to think in words since I knew it instantly by my whole Being. Writing and reading about it takes incomparably longer time.
I haven't understood a bar of music in my life, but I've felt it.
Igor Feodorovich Stravinsky (1882-1971), Russian composer
This experience indicated that I have never even lost the sensory basis of my natural Knowing. My education and conditioning would have only made me lose trust in my sensory intelligence, because Western mainstream culture was based on suppressing body sensations in the name of doing the ‘right’ thing irrespective of how one might feel in and of oneself. That suppression of one’s natural self-referencing would have provided the corner stone for the hierarchical social structure, that relays on masses following the authorities’ standards and knowledge.
The reductionist hard science has contributed to that structure by excommunicating for few centuries the ‘subjective’ intuitive and sensory based knowing, considered unreliable, and accepting only the ‘objective’ measuring as more reliable than the human body - and yet humans in the end interpret all data according to their own bias.
From the first day at school I had a sensory, emotional and mental awareness of the incompleteness of the Western reductionist paradigm, practically ruling out my natural Knowing. Even though I aimed at maintaining it, by the time I had midlife crisis I believed that I had lost it. To reconnect with it I thought that I needed to find the way beyond any cultural conditioning, including especially the Western scientific epistemology. Therefore I was amazed that the intellectual in me had displayed during the first part of our exercise such a dogmatic pseudo-scientific attitude. But I was glad that I have identified that inadequacy in myself as part of the ‘Trojan horse’ and let it go. From then on I decided to explore the energy phenomena by my senses and with a much more open mind than my high Western education allowed for.
Normal day, let me be aware of the treasure you are. Let me learn from you, love you, bless you before you depart. Let me not pass you by in quest of some rare and perfect tomorrow.
Mary Jean Iron
Since my partner’s energy patterns appeared to be the subtle expression of her painful parts and heavy mood, and changing the energy fields induced in few minutes the relief that medical doctors and their science could not in two years, it seemed that her physical body, its physiology and her psyche would have had the mutually causal relationship with the subtle energy patterns that I have sensed around her body. I have also sensed a strong energy flow all through my body the very instant when my mental clarity and healing emotional shift took place. It appeared that sensory-physical-physiological, emotional and mental aspects in both of us were tightly correlated with energy patterns and their dynamics.
We seemed to be able to feel the energy as sensations, either within one’s body (like my partner) or from one’s surroundings (as I did). Since everyone had some sensations, it would mean that all humans have been naturally sensitive to the subtle energy aspect of Reality, without needing any ‘sixth’ sense to register it. The only problem might have been that certain cultures would have suppressed people’s awareness about their full sensory perception.
I never doubted the reality of the psycho-somatic link. In fact, I thought, on the basis of plain everyday observation of people’s facial expressions and body language, that denying it was a nonsense. And yet, paradoxically, without anyone ever having tried to prove that a split between the mind and the living body was even remotely possible, the medical science was based on the assumption that body could be treated on its own. Now I thought that probably the cultural denial of the energy aspect of reality was the missing link that was precluding the rational explanation of the mind-body correlation.
It appeared that grasping the truth about the energy-mind-emotions-sensations-body relationship had brought me a healing relief in all kind of senses, and made me function as a whole Being, which was exactly how I used to experience my Pristine Self early on. That would have been the way to heal and function according to the supreme Natural Design for a human Being, which I considered the most desirable way to Be.
If there was a distinct energy field around and in our bodies, then quite likely the whole of Reality could have consisted of energy as much as of matter. I knew that Einstein had proved the energy-matter correlation theoretically, but it still did not filter down to the general collective, and certainly not to my own awareness for any practical purposes up till this time. I did not come across anyone either who would have had an ongoing awareness of the subtle reality or its possible healing uses in their everyday life. It was not surprising either, since the conventional medicine, based on reductionist science, seemed either unaware or in denial of the energy reality and its potential in healing.
Being fully aware of the energy reality and its natural role in healing now appeared crucial to me, for understanding life in general and for healing in particular. Cultural denial of the energy reality seemed to make as much sense as trying to live only within a half of one’s body and mind. I could see how it could have generated innumerable problems without real solution – until the simple paradigm shift, like mine, would lead people to embrace their obvious energy-material wholeness.
Since 1986 when I had this experience my assumptions about the significance of energy awareness and its potential in healing kept being confirmed in my life, which led me to become a natural therapist and an energy reader and healer, or medical intuitive.
The mainstream society, including a good portion of the medical practitioners, in Australia (and overseas) has also grown to accept, appreciate and use increasingly the energy awareness and energy healing for dealing with all kind of problems.
There are also many energy field imaging devices. Different colors indicate different energy blueprint qualities and their manifestation in material reality.
computerized whole body aura photo